ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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