you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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