Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
