the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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