and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
