Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
