You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
