she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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