if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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