I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
