Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
How does it feel to date your dad?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
