if you like me you must not know who I am
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
