It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
