You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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