Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
