i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
