Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
