We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
