Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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