operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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