You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
