I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
