I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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