Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
