i need an iv and a liver transplant
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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