I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
