Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
