dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
