Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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