We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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