Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
