I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
