don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I can't turn off my feet"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
