Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
