they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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