Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
