I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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