i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I think I sprained my soul last night
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
