So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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