Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
