Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
