Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
