This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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