I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
