listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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