ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
