how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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