how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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