Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
