i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
there is glitter all over my balls
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
