i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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