Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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